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Thread: If You’ve Said This Recently to Your Daughter, You May Be Perpetuating a Cycle of Vio

  1. #21
    Veteran Member Chief's Avatar
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    Back to OP... I have had some good conversations with women, from my mom and sisters, to ex girlfriends, my ex wife, and my current wife... about what women want from men. They all have wanted a man to be a leader, to be assertive, and to be strong. So while we don't want our boys to be bullies, we do want to carefully guide them so we don't make them indecisive, lacking confidence, lacking courage, etc...

    Somehow our children, boys and girls both, also need to be tested... to fall, and to get up again, and keep on standing up for their belief. So if we teach them to be respectful, but confident... let them go, and guide them along the way. I am sure they will test the boundaries and make mistakes... but when we correct we need to do so without diminishing their spirit.
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  2. #22
    SWED Missle Command Champion johnflesh's Avatar
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    Sometimes kids do get aggressive with one another because they don't fully get the idea of icebreakers. Just because they don't get the nuances doesn't mean they don't understand the value, however.

    Bullying is, I think, a different issue.
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  3. #23
    Veteran Member cpicturetaker12's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chief View Post
    Back to OP... I have had some good conversations with women, from my mom and sisters, to ex girlfriends, my ex wife, and my current wife... about what women want from men. They all have wanted a man to be a leader, to be assertive, and to be strong. So while we don't want our boys to be bullies, we do want to carefully guide them so we don't make them indecisive, lacking confidence, lacking courage, etc...

    Somehow our children, boys and girls both, also need to be tested... to fall, and to get up again, and keep on standing up for their belief. So if we teach them to be respectful, but confident... let them go, and guide them along the way. I am sure they will test the boundaries and make mistakes... but when we correct we need to do so without diminishing their spirit.

    Like TRUMP was taught, grab all the pussy he wants?

    There is very LITTLE honesty on this thread line. Intentional or not? I don't know. We all know how things should be.
    Last edited by cpicturetaker12; 14th November 2017 at 08:50 AM.

  4. #24
    Veteran Member cpicturetaker12's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheWahoo View Post
    While I never had a daughter, if I had, I think one of the first things I would have taught them would be where to kick.
    That's actually funny! Do you know that for all the RAPE story lines for decades on TV, 'standards and practices' would NOT allow scenes were women kicked men in the balls?

    It was 'obscene'.
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  5. #25
    Veteran Member Chief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cpicturetaker12 View Post
    Like TRUMP was taught, grab all the pussy he wants?

    There is very LITTLE honesty on this thread line. Intentional or not? I don't know. We all know how things should be.
    I have no idea how you get that from my post, so for the hell of it I'll just say yeah. I am hoping my boys will grow up to be just like Trump. Sure.

  6. #26
    Anarquistador StanStill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by labrea View Post
    Let’s stop telling girls that boys bully them "because they like you."
    By Liz Posner / AlterNet November 8, 2017, 12:27 PM GMT

    Sexual assault has arguably become the hot-button issue of the fall. Harvey Weinstein's fall and the #MeToo social media movement have awakened many Americans to the reality that almost every woman has encountered sexual harassment or assault at some point in her lifetime. Now many parents are asking how they can protect their daughters from becoming victims and their sons from being perpetrators. Sexual harassment and assault are highly pervasive among children. According to a 2011 study, 56 percent of girls reported having experienced sexual assault while in school. One piece of advice some parenting experts are giving is: stop telling adolescent girls that boys are mean to them “because they like you.” It’s an outdated response that normalizes male aggression against women at a dangerously young age.

    The aforementioned study also shows how normalized sexual assault is in the eyes of offenders: 44 percent of the students who admitted to sexually harassing others didn’t think of it as a big deal, and 39 percent said they were just “trying to be funny.” Clearly, sexual harassment and assault is a silent presence among today’s children, and when parents tell their daughters to ignore or tolerate it, they prop up a devastating cycle of violence. For far too long, American parents have tolerated aggressive behavior in boys. Even implicitly, adults condone violence in boys; studies show that parents are more tolerant of boys who act aggressively toward peers and siblings than of girls who do the same.

    https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-po...ause-they-them
    Perhaps it would be better explained to girls that, "he would prefer to shove you and call you ugly than be made fun of by his friends for having a crush on you. He likes you, but he's a prick. Stay away."
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  7. #27
    Veteran Member bajisima's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chief View Post
    Back to OP... I have had some good conversations with women, from my mom and sisters, to ex girlfriends, my ex wife, and my current wife... about what women want from men. They all have wanted a man to be a leader, to be assertive, and to be strong. So while we don't want our boys to be bullies, we do want to carefully guide them so we don't make them indecisive, lacking confidence, lacking courage, etc...

    Somehow our children, boys and girls both, also need to be tested... to fall, and to get up again, and keep on standing up for their belief. So if we teach them to be respectful, but confident... let them go, and guide them along the way. I am sure they will test the boundaries and make mistakes... but when we correct we need to do so without diminishing their spirit.
    Thats interesting and I see the same with female friends, daughters etc. They want a strong man and when they are young, a "Bad boy." So I suppose for guys thats pretty confusing.

  8. #28
    Veteran Member bajisima's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnflesh View Post
    Sometimes kids do get aggressive with one another because they don't fully get the idea of icebreakers. Just because they don't get the nuances doesn't mean they don't understand the value, however.

    Bullying is, I think, a different issue.
    Agree although I think its different for young boys. They do dumb things to get a girl to notice them and if she doesnt respond, they try harder often times maybe getting more aggressive and frustrated. I can see where that line gets crossed. However, an older teen or adult male shouldnt behave the same way.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by boontito View Post
    The key word in there is "bully". We do need to stop telling girls that boys who bully them are doing it because they like them. But... but... but... we also need to be very careful not to unjustly label genuine, good natured, teasing as bullying. Because, that IS a way that boys give away that they like a girl (and girls do it too). ESPECIALLY boys who come from a home where they have female siblings that they good naturedly tease. That's often a learned expression of like/love. I grew up that way and I see it with my own kids.

    Parents have to teach where razzing and teasing crosses the line into bullying. But, that's the number one job of parents anyway... teaching where various lines are and why they shouldn't be crossed.
    We also need to teach all our children that being in charge doesn't give anyone the right to abuse people in any fashion. That loyalty to your job shouldn't require sacrificing your principles. That money isn't more important than your self respect.
    Thanks from boontito and Friday13

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by StanStill View Post
    Perhaps it would be better explained to girls that, "he would prefer to shove you and call you ugly than be made fun of by his friends for having a crush on you. He likes you, but he's a prick. Stay away."
    Right. The point is (or should be) don't ignore or dismiss how your children are being mistreated by other children. Be responsible for their wellbeing and take them seriously and attend to them. That means listening, supporting, giving advice, helping them understand possible reasons why someone else behaves the way they do, and if needed, intervene by calmly and maturely getting directly involved and addressing it with the other child's parents or school officials.

    I would contend that most parents are not typically dismissive or apathetic about their kids being harassed or assaulted by other kids. We probably have more of the opposite problem where parents take this sort of shit way, way, way too seriously.

    Alternet is a junk source that sensationalizes itself for attention. For anyone to write "if you say these words to your kid, you are propping up a devastating cycle of violence" and to be using youth sexual harassment as a way to also sneak "and assault" in there and claim it's ubiquitous among school age children... that just trivializes actual sexual violence when it does occur (much more rarely), and it's just plain melodramatic garbage. As usual from a site like Alternet.
    Last edited by Neomalthusian; 14th November 2017 at 10:51 AM.
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