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Thread: If You’ve Said This Recently to Your Daughter, You May Be Perpetuating a Cycle of Vio

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    If You’ve Said This Recently to Your Daughter, You May Be Perpetuating a Cycle of Vio

    Let’s stop telling girls that boys bully them "because they like you."
    By Liz Posner / AlterNet November 8, 2017, 12:27 PM GMT

    Sexual assault has arguably become the hot-button issue of the fall. Harvey Weinstein's fall and the #MeToo social media movement have awakened many Americans to the reality that almost every woman has encountered sexual harassment or assault at some point in her lifetime. Now many parents are asking how they can protect their daughters from becoming victims and their sons from being perpetrators. Sexual harassment and assault are highly pervasive among children. According to a 2011 study, 56 percent of girls reported having experienced sexual assault while in school. One piece of advice some parenting experts are giving is: stop telling adolescent girls that boys are mean to them “because they like you.” It’s an outdated response that normalizes male aggression against women at a dangerously young age.

    The aforementioned study also shows how normalized sexual assault is in the eyes of offenders: 44 percent of the students who admitted to sexually harassing others didn’t think of it as a big deal, and 39 percent said they were just “trying to be funny.” Clearly, sexual harassment and assault is a silent presence among today’s children, and when parents tell their daughters to ignore or tolerate it, they prop up a devastating cycle of violence. For far too long, American parents have tolerated aggressive behavior in boys. Even implicitly, adults condone violence in boys; studies show that parents are more tolerant of boys who act aggressively toward peers and siblings than of girls who do the same.

    https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-po...ause-they-them

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    Council Member Djinn's Avatar
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    I think the author is conflating "explaining a behavior" and "justifying a behavior."

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    Veteran Member Madeline's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by labrea View Post
    Let’s stop telling girls that boys bully them "because they like you."
    By Liz Posner / AlterNet November 8, 2017, 12:27 PM GMT

    Sexual assault has arguably become the hot-button issue of the fall. Harvey Weinstein's fall and the #MeToo social media movement have awakened many Americans to the reality that almost every woman has encountered sexual harassment or assault at some point in her lifetime. Now many parents are asking how they can protect their daughters from becoming victims and their sons from being perpetrators. Sexual harassment and assault are highly pervasive among children. According to a 2011 study, 56 percent of girls reported having experienced sexual assault while in school. One piece of advice some parenting experts are giving is: stop telling adolescent girls that boys are mean to them “because they like you.” It’s an outdated response that normalizes male aggression against women at a dangerously young age.

    The aforementioned study also shows how normalized sexual assault is in the eyes of offenders: 44 percent of the students who admitted to sexually harassing others didn’t think of it as a big deal, and 39 percent said they were just “trying to be funny.” Clearly, sexual harassment and assault is a silent presence among today’s children, and when parents tell their daughters to ignore or tolerate it, they prop up a devastating cycle of violence. For far too long, American parents have tolerated aggressive behavior in boys. Even implicitly, adults condone violence in boys; studies show that parents are more tolerant of boys who act aggressively toward peers and siblings than of girls who do the same.

    https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-po...ause-they-them
    Fucking AlterNet. Literally the LAST place anyone should be getting parenting advice.

    Sexual harrassment, a la Weinstein, is not sexual assault. There is a weird liberal move going on to muddy the waters to such a degree, the public begins to think sexual harassment must be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Etc.

    OBVIOUSLY, females need to be taught to be assertive, etc. As do males.

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    Nuisance Factor Yeti 8 Jungle Swing Champion, YetiSports 4 - Albatross Overload Champion, YetiSports7 - Snowboard FreeRide Champion, Alu`s Revenge Champion boontito's Avatar
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    The key word in there is "bully". We do need to stop telling girls that boys who bully them are doing it because they like them. But... but... but... we also need to be very careful not to unjustly label genuine, good natured, teasing as bullying. Because, that IS a way that boys give away that they like a girl (and girls do it too). ESPECIALLY boys who come from a home where they have female siblings that they good naturedly tease. That's often a learned expression of like/love. I grew up that way and I see it with my own kids.

    Parents have to teach where razzing and teasing crosses the line into bullying. But, that's the number one job of parents anyway... teaching where various lines are and why they shouldn't be crossed.
    Thanks from HCProf, labrea, Madeline and 7 others

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    Veteran Member Madeline's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boontito View Post
    The key word in there is "bully". We do need to stop telling girls that boys who bully them are doing it because they like them. But... but... but... we also need to be very careful not to unjustly label genuine, good natured, teasing as bullying. Because, that IS a way that boys give away that they like a girl (and girls do it too). ESPECIALLY boys who come from a home where they have female siblings that they good naturedly tease. That's often a learned expression of like/love. I grew up that way and I see it with my own kids.

    Parents have to teach where razzing and teasing crosses the line into bullying. But, that's the number one job of parents anyway... teaching where various lines are and why they shouldn't be crossed.
    We could also stop patronizing movies, etc., that promote the idea that persistence is the way a good guy gets the girl.

    It isn't. Persistence is the way a bad guy communicates a profound lack of respect to a girl, and is the behavior of stalking.

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    Veteran Member bajisima's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boontito View Post
    The key word in there is "bully". We do need to stop telling girls that boys who bully them are doing it because they like them. But... but... but... we also need to be very careful not to unjustly label genuine, good natured, teasing as bullying. Because, that IS a way that boys give away that they like a girl (and girls do it too). ESPECIALLY boys who come from a home where they have female siblings that they good naturedly tease. That's often a learned expression of like/love. I grew up that way and I see it with my own kids.

    Parents have to teach where razzing and teasing crosses the line into bullying. But, that's the number one job of parents anyway... teaching where various lines are and why they shouldn't be crossed.
    Agree. But the problem is at least in the pre teen years, boys are aggressive and behave poorly when they like a girl. Pulling her hair, teasing her, calling her nicknames etc is how they show they like someone. While thats "cute" for 8 year olds, I dont think any adult woman wants her hair pulled. lol I am not sure how a parent can really explain it that well. I know it was a struggle for us with our kids. Boys arent the sharpest knife in the drawer at that age.
    Thanks from labrea, HCProf and Friday13

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    While I never had a daughter, if I had, I think one of the first things I would have taught them would be where to kick.

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    Veteran Member Madeline's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bajisima View Post
    Agree. But the problem is at least in the pre teen years, boys are aggressive and behave poorly when they like a girl. Pulling her hair, teasing her, calling her nicknames etc is how they show they like someone. While thats "cute" for 8 year olds, I dont think any adult woman wants her hair pulled. lol I am not sure how a parent can really explain it that well. I know it was a struggle for us with our kids. Boys arent the sharpest knife in the drawer at that age.
    Hair pulling has its joys.

    But yes, civilizing children is hard. Both genders are challenging, even when the kid is straight.
    Thanks from bajisima

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    Council Member Djinn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madeline View Post
    ... Both genders are challenging, even when the kid is straight.
    They're all messed up. Teenage girls are incomprehensible. Teenage boys are just stupid. This is coming from someone who has a 17 year-old daughter, and a 13 year-old son.
    Thanks from boontito, HCProf, Madeline and 5 others

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    Veteran Member Dr Sampson Simpson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    I think the author is conflating "explaining a behavior" and "justifying a behavior."
    That happens far too often
    Thanks from Djinn and Madeline

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