'Beaner's Coffee' goes PC to avoid Hispanic offense
Posted: September 24, 2007
1:00 a.m. Eastern
Beaner's Coffee, the third-largest retail coffee chain in the Midwest, announced they will change the name of all 79 of their current stores to Biggby Coffee. The company said the reason for the change is because the current name is a disparaging term for Hispanics.
Until I ran across the story about the name change, I thought the moniker was in reference to the coffee beans through which the hot water is filtered. I feel so naïve now.
The announcement of the name change got me to looking around and evaluating who should be next. It's a surefire bet that the politically correct tone of our culture will increase in the coming years, so accusations of racism, sexism, weightism, heightism and ism-ism in the names of our businesses will increase as well. Even the most seemingly innocuous business name may someday be suspect.
As a result, what will be the next company to change its name?
First off, activists shouldn't end their efforts with Beaner's. What about Taco Bell? "Make a run for the border"? Come on!
What about my heritage? Nobody seems to care that at least every other bar has an Irish name. There's Rosie O'Grady's, Paddy's, McNally's, O'Malley's – the list goes on. The Irishman in me wants to point out that the term "Irish Pub" is redundant, but that would be taking away an opportunity to be outraged at the stereotyping of a darn fine group of people. Just because we're sitting in a bar doesn't mean it has to be named after us. If this were common-place, every eatery in Washington, D.C., would be called Weasels.
There are plenty of other stores, restaurants and services out there deserving of our outrage.
For example, what about Cracker Barrel? That's not too nice to Americans of white European ancestry, but the playing field is heartlessly leveled every Halloween by thousands of Spook Houses. Paging Rev. Jackson!
Both of those names must go so nobody is offended.
When I looked around, I also found plenty of restaurants and other places of business using the word "coconut" in their name. I discovered, via extensive research, that "coconut" is a derogatory term for Pacific island natives, among others. Perhaps even more horrific, coconuts also contain plenty of saturated fats, which are incredibly offensive to the health-conscious.
While we're at it, IHOP might have great pancakes, but it also shamelessly mocks people who have an injured leg. That's just plain wrong.
The names Blimpies and Tubby's are wildly insensitive toward overweight Americans. And forget about Big Boy – which contains two words that are both disparaging and condescending when used in certain contexts.
Little Caesars is a slur directed at Americans of diminutive physical stature cleverly disguised as a pizza place, which is of course countered by Jersey Giants, an obvious swipe at people with pituitary disorders residing in The Garden State.
Is Church's Chicken sensitive to atheists in a nation guaranteed by the Founders to be blessed with a separation of poultry and state? This name needs to be secularized immediately, or at least leveled out. Perhaps "Michael Newdow and Pat Robertson's Pluck n' Go" would be a nice compromise.
Even retail outlets have gladly climbed aboard the train of offensiveness. Does anybody else think that Target – along with their violent logo that does nothing but invite a weapons discharge – has any place in a peace-seeking society? And don't get me started on the Army and Navy stores. Vehemently anti-war Americans have no use for an Old Navy – let alone a new one. This name should be changed immediately due to its potentially offensive nature.
Home Depot pokes fun at the homeless, along with the depot-less. For the love of (insert deity of your choosing here, if none, leave blank)! We're surrounded by insensitivity at every turn!
All I can say about the computer industry is this: Microsoft owes a big apology to those stricken with erectile dysfunction.
Finally, Hooters is a classic example of sexism and owlism run amok. This is why I plan to picket there several hours a day, hot cup of Beane… I mean, Biggby's… in hand, until the name Hooters is no more. I suggest changing it to something feminists won't be bothered by, such as "The House of Rax."
WorldNetDaily: 'Beaner's Coffee' goes PC to avoid Hispanic offense
See? It's true....