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Thread: Consensual Non Monogamy In Committed Relationships . Why Not??m

  1. #11
    Spock of Vulcan Ian Jeffrey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spookycolt View Post
    If this happened and went to court and I was the judge I would simply dissolve their marriage.

    End of conflict.
    Good thing you are not a judge ... a judge has no power to dissolve a marriage against the will of both parties.
    Thanks from Madeline and Puzzling Evidence

  2. #12
    Spock of Vulcan Ian Jeffrey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GordonGecko View Post
    If you are looking at the "legal" angle, then naturally, you'd have to have either a written document where both parties are stating they accept that their partner is allowed to be non-monogamous...

    otherwise, adultery could still be used as an advantage in a court proceeding.
    Only in states in which that is a ground for divorce. Most states have no-fault divorce, in which adultery is irrelevant.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fau...#United_States
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  3. #13
    Veteran Member bajisima's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humorme View Post
    I found this entertaining. Do you know of some states where a married person cannot engage in extramarital sex or couples cannot take on a third sexual partner or engage in trading spouses? If so, any link would be appreciated.

    BTW, Do you think it's a good idea to give the RW new ideas?
    Oh yes adultery is illegal in a few states. In Massachusetts its a felony.

    Adultery Laws - Where Is Cheating Illegal

  4. #14
    Chaos in fourteen lines Minotaur's Avatar
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    We've had that forever. It is called playing around. No one can stop someone from sleeping around openly or hidden. The spouse is the spouse. The rest are what she or he allows to be drug into their life.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by NeoVsMatrix View Post
    I'm not really sure what this trehad is about .

    Is it about polygamy ?
    No. Polyamory =/= polygamy, though it can include it

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoVsMatrix View Post
    Is it about swingers ?
    No. Polyamory =/= swinging, though it can include it.

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoVsMatrix View Post
    Is it about you telling us you and your wife have an open relationship ?
    No. Polyamory =/= open relationship, though it can include it.

    Quote Originally Posted by NeoVsMatrix View Post
    I really don't get the point yet.
    It's about considering that monogamy may not be the only or even the best way to have a committed relationship for everyone.

    Polyamory = "many loves", and at its simplest means it is possible to love more than one person, and it doesn't necessarily mean you love your spouse or partner any less.

    Is it easy? No. Is it without risk? Not at all. Is it for everyone? Clearly not. Is it fulfilling? It very much can be for some, when practiced with honesty, love, and a commitment to honest and constant communication.

    And this is important: polyamory has to have the consent of all parties involved. If your spouse/partner doesn't know you practice polyamory, it's not polyamory. It's cheating.

    Polyamory basically redefines cheating to not being honest with your partner, rather than being defined by having feelings for another or even acting on them (with consent!).

  6. #16
    Veteran Member GordonGecko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian Jeffrey View Post
    Only in states in which that is a ground for divorce. Most states have no-fault divorce, in which adultery is irrelevant.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fau...#United_States

    True

    I was referrring to those States who still do have adultery as a legal basis for granting an advantage to a divorce plaintiff.....either on settlement, alimony, or child support/custody matters.

  7. #17
    Veteran Member bajisima's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GordonGecko View Post
    True

    I was referrring to those States who still do have adultery as a legal basis for granting an advantage to a divorce plaintiff.....either on settlement, alimony, or child support/custody matters.
    Know somebody who is going through the courts in MA trying to get her spouse in jail for adultery. Wants him to have no access to her money or kids. Pretty nasty stuff.

  8. #18
    Veteran Member GordonGecko's Avatar
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    BTW, two other points...

    on the Emotional standpoint-

    1. Such a polyamorous agreement would probably have to be openly and forthrightly discussed BEFORE the two people entered into a marriage. Otherwise, I'd see it as an emotional mine-field for the husband or wife to bring it up 5-10-15 years into the marriage, even slightly and obliquely....

    given the risk their counterpart would oppose the idea and then immediately assume their spouse (who suggested it) was going to do it anyway without their consent.

    IOW, if "Mary" told "John" out of the blue, after 15 years of marriage - "I think we should BOTH be allowed to have sex with other people".....and John isn't "cool" with that, John's going to think that Mary's going to do it anyway behind his back....and the marriage would fall apart from mistrust or frustration.



    2. Given that for many people, sex on a continual basis with the SAME person.... DOES tend to create an emotional bond....would it not become "dangerous" for "John" to have multiple encounters with "Sally", while his wife "Mary" is going from guy-to-guy.....one night stands only....

    and risk that John would start forming an emotional attachment to Mary that would lead to "emotional adultery".....transferring love from Mary to Sally?


    Or would John and Mary set up a "rule"--- "No multiple encounters with the same person within 6 months"?

  9. #19
    Veteran Member GordonGecko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bajisima View Post
    Know somebody who is going through the courts in MA trying to get her spouse in jail for adultery. Wants him to have no access to her money or kids. Pretty nasty stuff.
    Again, where the LEGAL aspects of polyamory (among married couple) would have to be resolved.


    And I mean AIR-TIGHT....like a Hollywood pre-nup.

  10. #20
    Voice of Reason ProgressivePatriot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NeoVsMatrix View Post
    I'm not really sure what this trehad is about .

    Is it about polygamy ?
    Is it about swingers ?
    Is it about you telling us you and your wife have an open relationship ?

    I really don't get the point yet.
    You should be sure by now what it's about. I made it clear that it is not about polygamy. Polygamy involves a male with several wives in what is often an unequal and sometimes coerced arrangement. There are many ways of being non -monogamous from swinging which sometimes anonymous and mostly about sex to ongoing friendships (with benefits) with people that you get together with on occasion, to group living arrangements.

    We have done a little of all of that and I put that out there in the hope that it will encourage others to be honest and share their thoughts and what they do

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