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Thread: Consensual Non Monogamy In Committed Relationships . Why Not??m

  1. #31
    The Un-Holy One The Man's Avatar
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    I couldn't do that... Just, in plain honesty. I could never stand to know that some other man put his dick in my wife. Period... And I can safely assume she would feel the same way about me sleeping with another woman. I guess we are both old fashioned and non-progressive lol Even if we are both Millennials (right, if born in 1988/9?)

  2. #32
    Voice of Reason ProgressivePatriot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Man View Post
    I couldn't do that... Just, in plain honesty. I could never stand to know that some other man put his dick in my wife. Period... And I can safely assume she would feel the same way about me sleeping with another woman. I guess we are both old fashioned and non-progressive lol Even if we are both Millennials (right, if born in 1988/9?)
    That's cool. Everyone is different. I'm an early boomer. You might be old fashioned . I'm just old. Thanks for sharing!
    Thanks from The Man

  3. #33
    Voice of Reason ProgressivePatriot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    While the structure has never held any appeal to me, I personally know at least four or five couples that had either polyamorous relationships or "open" marriages.

    In every case, the arrangement either resulted in separation, or collapsed into a monogamous relationship. While I support peoples' right to buck the odds and try to make it work, the apparently-high failure rate gives me cause for concern when there are young children being raised in such a home.
    Well, I don't have any actual statistics on the longevity of non monogamous couples, but we have known a whole lot of people who are into non monogamy in one form or another over a long period of time are who are still together. We have been together for almost 30 years, and have each been with a lot of other people. Many of those people , we had ongoing relationships -but not really a "love" interest.

    It's true that people do break up, and I've seen that too, but it's hard to know the extent to which the lifestyle was responsible for it. They may have been into it for the wrong reasons, and doomed to failure no matter what
    Thanks from Coyote

  4. #34
    Voice of Reason ProgressivePatriot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GordonGecko View Post
    What I'm saying.....such "Rules" would have to be established and agreed to WELL in advance of an actual marriage.

    As for "I can have perfectly equitable love (romantic love) for many different people"?....it tends to work only in rare cases.
    Not necessarily and not always possible. When we got married nearly 30 years ago, I had no interest in non monogamy what so ever. I was always a serial monogamist. However, before we were married we lived together for a few years and during that time she confided in me the fact that she had engaged in group sex with her first husband (who I actually knew at the time , while she was still married to him) It did not bother me, and I still had no interest it in.

    Sometime later, it came up again and then I did start to think about it. The next thing that happened was that we decided to check out a nudist camp. While most of these places are pretty straight, we soon learned that this particular one had a reputation for being pretty wild and a good many of the people were into swinging and groups. It didn't take me long to go whole hog. We went back for almost every summer week end for years.

    Our rules evolved over time and we were not always on the same page and there were conflicts, but we're still here.

  5. #35
    Established Member Coyote's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    While the structure has never held any appeal to me, I personally know at least four or five couples that had either polyamorous relationships or "open" marriages.

    In every case, the arrangement either resulted in separation, or collapsed into a monogamous relationship. While I support peoples' right to buck the odds and try to make it work, the apparently-high failure rate gives me cause for concern when there are young children being raised in such a home.
    Monogamous marriages have a high failure rate as well. Why should there be any special concern for the kids of poly relationships over mono ones?

  6. #36
    Established Member Coyote's Avatar
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    Everyone knows someone who knows someone who had an open or poly relationship that didn't work out. What they don't know is all the people for whom it works out just fine, because they tend to be pretty low key (often out of necessity).

    Another thing I find amusing is that just like being gay or trans, the people who claim to know the most about it, and how bloody awful it is... don't practice it, aren't poly, and/or don't know anyone who is truly poly. All they have is "common wisdom" which is really just the inundation of messages that society sends 24/7 how serial monogamy and/or secretly cheating is preferable to stable poly relationships.
    Thanks from The Man

  7. #37
    Veteran Member Madeline's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bajisima View Post
    Oh yes adultery is illegal in a few states. In Massachusetts its a felony.

    Adultery Laws - Where Is Cheating Illegal
    Not really. Arrest and prosecution for such a long-abandoned law would be barred as selective enforcement.

    Every state has outdated criminal laws, not used for decades, that are repealed in fact but not in procedure.

  8. #38
    Veteran Member Madeline's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coyote View Post
    Everyone knows someone who knows someone who had an open or poly relationship that didn't work out. What they don't know is all the people for whom it works out just fine, because they tend to be pretty low key (often out of necessity).

    Another thing I find amusing is that just like being gay or trans, the people who claim to know the most about it, and how bloody awful it is... don't practice it, aren't poly, and/or don't know anyone who is truly poly. All they have is "common wisdom" which is really just the inundation of messages that society sends 24/7 how serial monogamy and/or secretly cheating is preferable to stable poly relationships.
    I know people who call themselves poly. I can't see any reason to make these relationships formal, legal matters.

    There is a significant difference between the marital status rights of same sex couples, some with children, as compared to a married person who has a lover. There's no justification for creating legal bonds between that person's spouse and that person's lover.
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  9. #39
    The Un-Holy One The Man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coyote View Post
    Everyone knows someone who knows someone who had an open or poly relationship that didn't work out. What they don't know is all the people for whom it works out just fine, because they tend to be pretty low key (often out of necessity).

    Another thing I find amusing is that just like being gay or trans, the people who claim to know the most about it, and how bloody awful it is... don't practice it, aren't poly, and/or don't know anyone who is truly poly. All they have is "common wisdom" which is really just the inundation of messages that society sends 24/7 how serial monogamy and/or secretly cheating is preferable to stable poly relationships.
    It's a complicated question... I think it all depends on many things, honestly. One's culture and upbringing, sure. Like, polygamy is common among some Muslims and some Mormons, for example.

    And, also, the environment one is in.

    I actually believe the constant... excitement, of being in a war zone, for example, can encourage these sorts of senseless relations.

    One sees that in Donbass, today, in East Ukraine.

    You got young guys, volunteers, from Russia or Belarus (or even locals) going out there to fight the Ukrainians, they are on the front lines for months, some have not been home since 2014 now!

    And, keep in mind, Donbass has some gorgeous ladies



    You then have weddings, right on the front lines, with mortars or missiles used for music lol

    Like this Russian Cossack, back in March


    Some may already have wives back home, and, normally, like me, would never chat on them; but, after months in this hell, under enemy fire; forget them. Because this is their new life now...

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by ProgressivePatriot View Post
    In the absence of any information indicating a romantic relationship between the two women, I will assume that the note was for the guy.

    I have seen this sort of thing happen. These arrangements have their pitfalls which is why I always say that they are not for everybody. You have to wonder what the relationship was like between he and his girlfriend before and after the second woman was brought in. How much did they communicate about what each was feeling? Not much I would guess. Did they bring the women in because they both really wanted that, or was it to try to fix their relationship. To fill a void of some sort.

    Another possibility is that the girlfriend just wanted out of the relationship with the guy and used the other woman as an excuse. Otherwise, you would think that she would have given him an "either she goes or I go" ultimatum and not just split.

    There are many questions to consider.
    Mr. Patriot,

    Nail on the head why not.

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