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Thread: Consensual Non Monogamy In Committed Relationships . Why Not??m

  1. #41
    Council Member Djinn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coyote View Post
    Monogamous marriages have a high failure rate as well. Why should there be any special concern for the kids of poly relationships over mono ones?
    Because the risk of a split is markedly higher. Let's say everything else is equal, and the odds of a two-person marriage breaking up during a progeny's childhood are 50%. If a third person is in the mix, the odds of one person "breaking up" with the other two (and the child losing a parent) goes up to 75%. In a four-person arrangement, it goes up to 87.5%.
    Thanks from Sassy

  2. #42
    Voice of Reason ProgressivePatriot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    Because the risk of a split is markedly higher. Let's say everything else is equal, and the odds of a two-person marriage breaking up during a progeny's childhood are 50%. If a third person is in the mix, the odds of one person "breaking up" with the other two (and the child losing a parent) goes up to 75%. In a four-person arrangement, it goes up to 87.5%.
    That's assuming that all persons in that arrangement have a parental relationship with the children. The upside is that regardless of what happens, the children will, most likely, still have at least two parents.

  3. #43
    Galactic Ruler Spookycolt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ProgressivePatriot View Post
    You are certainly entitled to define commitment in any way that suits you. However, for my wife and I, it is not about sexual fidelity. Commitment is the absolute and unquestioning faith that we have in one another. The knowledge that we will always be there for each other. That we will never lie or deceive one another. That is more than can be said for some couples who are monogamous.

    If you were a judge and what exactly happened? Are people hauled before a court for being non monogamous which then has the power to dissolve the marriage? In what dark world do you imagine that to be possible?
    I certainly will not question your relationship as that is not my place but I believe that being there for one another would also include sex.

    If you are in a committed relationship why would you even desire anyone else.

    "Hey honey, I really love you and all but I'd really like to spend the day holding your friends hand instead of yours".

    Makes no sense.

  4. #44
    Moderator HCProf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Man View Post
    I couldn't do that... Just, in plain honesty. I could never stand to know that some other man put his dick in my wife. Period... And I can safely assume she would feel the same way about me sleeping with another woman. I guess we are both old fashioned and non-progressive lol Even if we are both Millennials (right, if born in 1988/9?)
    Neither could I. I have always thought that monogamy was natural in a relationship with the right partner, such as having zero interest in another man or woman. We are pretty old fashion too.

  5. #45
    Moderator libertariat720's Avatar
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    If that's what the couple is into then they should go for it, but what I think happens a lot is that one person in the relationship kind of goes along with it to appease their significant other. There are whole communities of swingers that share each other's partners and have a great time though.

    In my experience, open relationships don't really work out. Someone gets jealous or you start to get feelings for the other person. Sex complicates things, like it or not. I can be perfectly happy with one partner, in a monogamous relationship. You just have to switch things up in the bedroom, people start to stray away when things get monotonous.

    To each their own I say.

  6. #46
    Established Member Coyote's Avatar
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    If you really loved pizza you wouldn't ever eat a hamburger.

    If you really loved your daughter, you'd tell your son to take a hike, because he's on his own.

    Makes about as much sense

  7. #47
    Established Member Coyote's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by libertariat720 View Post
    If that's what the couple is into then they should go for it, but what I think happens a lot is that one person in the relationship kind of goes along with it to appease their significant other. There are whole communities of swingers that share each other's partners and have a great time though.

    In my experience, open relationships don't really work out. Someone gets jealous or you start to get feelings for the other person. Sex complicates things, like it or not. I can be perfectly happy with one partner, in a monogamous relationship. You just have to switch things up in the bedroom, people start to stray away when things get monotonous.

    To each their own I say.
    Of course someone always gets jealous. We're human beings. Commitment is working through that jealousy while striving to make sure all partners get what they need.

    Of course someone develops feelings for another person. In polyamory, that is the point. Love is allowing your partner to have feelings for another and have them validated. Even before skunk's girlfriend and I became involved personally, I'd buy her gifts and cards for holidays. She is important to him, therefore she's important to me.

    Everything worth doing involves risk.

  8. #48
    Established Member Coyote's Avatar
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    https://youtube.com/watch?v=EyBF7PQGAPk

    I heard a woman talking
    And to me what she said just made sense
    She was lamenting the state of affairs
    How some people can be so dense
    She said she had three wonderful children
    Two girls and their little brother
    And nobody gave her problems for loving
    Each child as much as the other

    But they say you are bad
    Or perhaps you are mad
    Or at least you should stay undercover
    Your mind must be bare
    If you would dare
    To think you can love more than one lover

    I really dig the redwood forests
    But the desert makes me want to sing
    And those little Irish villages
    When the churchbells ring
    I like to busk in Boston
    And hang out in the cafes in Berlin
    Yes, I like lots of different places
    And nobody tells me it's a sin

    But they say you are bad
    Or perhaps you are mad
    Or at least you should stay undercover
    Your mind must be bare
    If you would dare
    To think you can love more than one lover

    I like Italian espresso
    But I also like French wine
    And now and then that BC bud
    Leaves me feeling oh so fine
    I like to get a buzz sometimes
    I like sobriety
    Most people understand this
    They also like variety

    But they say you are bad
    Or perhaps you are mad
    Or at least you should stay undercover
    Your mind must be bare
    If you would dare
    To think you can love more than one lover
    Thanks from ProgressivePatriot

  9. #49
    Voice of Reason ProgressivePatriot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humorme View Post
    I found this entertaining. Do you know of some states where a married person cannot engage in extramarital sex or couples cannot take on a third sexual partner or engage in trading spouses? If so, any link would be appreciated.

    BTW, Do you think it's a good idea to give the RW new ideas?
    I'm happy that you found it " entertaining" I like to entertain, although I did not intend this to be entertaining. Adultery-defined as sex between people when on is married to someone else -is indeed a crime in many places: In which states is cheating on your spouse illegal?

    Note that the definition of adultery says nothing about whether or not it was with the consent of the marital partner.

    I don't thing the right wingers need me to give them ideas

  10. #50
    Member Iolo's Avatar
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    Consensual Non Monogamy In Committed Relationships . Why Not?

    Human vanity, insecurity and possessiveness, for a start. I don't know what 'human nature' might be, but these qualities seem to be close to essential for the current economic system whatever.

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