All Andy Borowitz Quotes

[Ian Jeffrey]

Koch Brothers Put Scott Walker on eBay

 

[Ian Jeffrey]

Millions Tired of Giving Shit Who Florida Votes For

 

[Ian Jeffrey]

Trump Blasts Media for Reporting Things He Says

 

[boontito]

Kavanaugh’s unpleasant discovery that the Supreme Court has “absolutely no drink specials” has left him wondering if his bruising confirmation battle “was even worth it.”

 

[boontito]

“I will not sit idly by while every vote is counted,” Gov. Scott said. “This is Florida, goddammit.”

 

[boontito]

Experts Baffled By Mysterious Disappearance of Caravan

 

[Ian Jeffrey]

Trump Warns That Florida Recount Could Set Dangerous Precedent of Person With Most Votes Winning

 

[Ian Jeffrey]

BREAKING: Newly Counted Ballots Reveal Trump Not President

 

[Ian Jeffrey]

According to the aides, Trump is “furious” at the D.J.I.A. for going down so precipitously and believes that it has treated him “very unfairly.”

Trump Considering Firing Dow Jones Industrial Average

 

[Ian Jeffrey]

Trump Unable to Stop Caravan of Democratic Women Invading Washington