Darius Guice selfishly decides to take rookie year off to play video games and rehab.

Mar 2015
Mad Prophet
That self-important BASTARD.

Was it a coincidence that Guice decides to get injured so he conveniently no longer has to practice? What about ME, Darius? What about me acting like a genius for being smart enough to predict the Redskins drafting you? What about my fantasy football team and my shitty back-up? Don't you ever think about anyone else other than yourself? You are about to get the whole year off to write a book and "find yourself." If I tear my ACL, I have to hobble around on crutches and explain to all my customers how bad it must be to have my "favorite" Redskin injured in the first pre-season game.

So you bought your mom a car? Know what I got MY MOM? A stove. :(

I'm guessing right about now, some pharmacy rep is at your house with the best drugs I've never even heard of while my doctor is offering me Tylenol. Freakin awesome. "No thanks, Doc - send that stuff to Darius Guice, he needs it worse than me!"

Anyway, have fun reading all the love letters from 20-year-old star-struck, female fans and well-wishes from the POTUS. Hey, maybe my girlfriend will feel bad for me being totally distraught and not make me take out the trash this week. Right, like that's going to happen.
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Future Staff
Jan 2008
Most Insidious
The Redskins will be trading for Amir Abdullah from Detroit any minute now.
Jul 2011
Memphis, Tn.
Great, once again I can have my heart ripped out of my chest so I can see it beating before I die....
Calm thyself, it's not as if this were something important.
Something important would be if the St. Louis Cardinals can salvage their year with a new manager and make the playoffs.
Jul 2013
Nashville, TN
Skins should have traded up and got this guy:

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