Democrats Demand That Giuliani Be Trump’s Lawyer at Impeachment Trial

May 2019
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Satire from The Borowitz Report
Democrats Demand That Giuliani Be Trump’s Lawyer at Impeachment Trial

By Andy Borowitz
11:00 A.M.

Photograph by Jeff Neira / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rudolph Giuliani’s offer to act as Donald J. Trump’s defense attorney at the President’s impeachment trial has received unanimous support from congressional Democrats, who are now demanding that he perform such a role.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer told reporters on Tuesday that Giuliani’s participation as Trump’s lawyer during his Senate trial was, as far as they were concerned, “nonnegotiable.”

“Rudy Giuliani has demonstrated over the past three years that he can represent the President as no one else can,” Pelosi said. “If he is not the President’s lawyer in the Senate, that would be a deal-breaker for me.”

Concurring with Pelosi, Schumer added, “My Democratic colleagues in the Senate are prepared to pay Mr. Giuliani’s hourly fees, in cash, to make this thing happen.”

Pelosi indicated that Democrats were now willing to back off their earlier demands for witnesses at the trial. “No witnesses,” she said. “Just Giuliani.”

Appearing on Fox News, Giuliani said that he was “a little surprised” by the Democrats’ enthusiastic support, adding, “Nancy Pelosi even offered to drive me to work every morning, which I thought was really nice.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell did not answer reporters’ questions about a possible role for Giuliani in the impeachment trial, nor would he confirm reports that he had given the Senate’s security desk a photo of Giuliani with instructions to bar his entry.