- May 2013
- N Oregon Coast
Sounds about right
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that “enough is enough,” congressional Republicans demanded on Monday that the thousands of people in the nation’s witness-protection program be required to appear on national television.
“What kind of a country protects someone’s identity just because they were instrumental in bringing a criminal to justice?” Representative Jim Jordan, of Ohio, asked. “I don’t want to live in a country like that.”
Representative Devin Nunes, of California, concurred. “Anonymity is all well and good, but we should be able to look at these people and know their names,” he said.
At the United States Senate, Lindsey Graham told reporters that “it’s time for people in the witness-protection program to put up or shut up.”
“I want these people to go on TV and say what they have to say, and then I fully intend not to listen to them,” the senator said.
“It’s time for people in the witness-protection program to put up or shut up,” one G.O.P. senator said.