Trump: "If there's another civil war - I'll get a new note from the podiatrist"

May 2013
19,917
20,103
N Oregon Coast
Captain Bone Spurs is gonna have to find a new podiatrist however. Dr. Larry Braunstein died in 2007. :nerd:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Shortly after tweeting that his impeachment could result in a civil war, Donald J. Trump clarified that, in the event of such a war, he would seek a new note from his podiatrist.​
Trump issued the clarification after military advisers cautioned him that, after starting a civil war, he might reasonably be expected to participate in it.​
Speaking to reporters on the White House lawn, Trump said, “Much as I would like to fight in a civil war, my very serious foot condition would keep me from doing that.”​
Trump said that, although every other part of him was “extremely young and vibrant,” his feet “are in no condition to fight.”​
He added, however, that the country should “think very carefully” before engaging in a civil war. “It would be very sad for the United States to have a civil war for the first time in its history,” he said.​